Things On My Mind

As I sit here, watching the time go by,
I wonder why I have these feelings.
Numerous thoughts racing in my mind,
Showing and telling me horrendous things.

Remembering memories that never happened,
Seeing all sorts of things that never occurred.
Many of the memories are quite realistic,
A lot of them honestly real, the rest are not.

Holding me back in an emotional state of being,
A state of confusion, irrationality and horrification.
Sights, sounds, smells all equally present and absent,
Continuously running through all my senses.

At one point I thought that I had found people,
That I could learn to trust, love, hope to help me.
I have been shown the truth though, was a fallacy,
Deceit, shadows hidden behind bright masks.

I always wonder if there will ever be anyone,
That I can trust, believe, hope without fail;
Who will never leave me or abandon me,
Someone who will ensure I feel fairly safe.

However, I have been shown the truth,
Once again, that there is no such thing.
Safety is not in numbers, cannot be found,
In other people who portray as friends.

A very sad truth that keeps me up,
Throughout the night, through the day;
It keeps me thinking, continuously wishing,
And hoping that it could still happen.

(written July 17th, 2009)